…from violently disconnected sex to blissfully connected.


This article started off as a simple blog entry, but as I started working on it, it kept on expanding in scope and in depth as I researched and thought about it. Every month, on the third Thursday of the month, a new shade will be posted until the whole spectrum has been revealed. Enjoy!



Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how, as a globalized world, we connect sexually to women’s bodies, or all bodies for that matter. In all honesty, I can’t help but feel that there is still so much to learn, so much more to deepen and share to better inform our collective consciousness and bring it to a healthier place. Sex is in essence a way of communicating with someone. On one end of the spectrum, communication can be hellish — especially when it is a one way conversation or, worse, a form of assault! On the other end of the spectrum, it becomes a game changer because it allows you to feel deeply connected to someone. FIFTY SHADES OF CONNECTION is my first attempt at working out a spectrum that charts the various shades of sex from violently disconnected to blissfully connected. By laying them out as such, it helps to contrast the qualities existing in the various types of encounters. It can also help people, both women and men, figure out where their interactions lie on the chart and what this actually represents for them or their partner. The truth of the matter is that we probably move back and forth on the chart as we wade through the various complexities of our multi-layered encounters and as we untangle our very own personal knots. So, as we become more conscious of what is actually happening to us, our place on the chart will obviously shift. This chart attempts at being all-encompassing from very difficult situations to lofty heights, and yet, on a more humble note, I am well aware that there may be elements missing and would love your help to fill in the gaps, as people have of course very unique experiences. Sexual assault, money mediated sex, sexual vampirism as well as clear contracts: from “genital rubbing” to blissful “holistic co-creative sex” will be explored on this spectrum.

The big markers on the spectrum: 

1. Sexual assault: the antithesis of connection — Coal grey

2. Victimized money mediated sex vs. Empowered money mediated sex— Paynes grey

3. Sex under the influence — Smog grey

4. Porn driven sex — Gun metal grey

5. Sexual Vampirism — Campfire smoke

6. Racism and sex— Coal soot  (which can veil all previous shades)

7. Clear contracts:  from Genital rubbing to depth — Nimbus cloud grey

8. “Genital rubbing”—- Stainless steal

9. Light and playful sex — Billowing cumulus

10. Hello Heart — Silver lining

11. The Groundwork for Co-creative Sex — mining silver

12. Showing up for Co-creative Sex— Pure Silver

13. Consciously cultivating connected-sex — Liquified silver

14. The ultimate marriage of eros, love and sexuality- Blooming silver star dust